Three Wishes

I Wish I Believed in Wishes

Photo by Chris DelliSante on Unsplash

I don’t believe in wishes. I wish I did and that they were real, but they aren’t. As a child, I believed in the tooth fairy, a wish on a shooting star, and a wish list for Santa. The reality, though, is that you can’t wish anything into existence, and you can’t wish things away. Every time I was told to make a wish as I blew out a birthday candle, it never came true. When I was asked what I wished for as a gift, it never materialized. Really, I don’t understand why people set children up for disappointments like this.

What’s Real

Making a wish is a system for failure and inaction. Why work toward something if you can wish for it? Why wish for someone to change or be different if neither you nor the wish can make anyone else change? It’s a fun notion, but I would rather plan a way to reach that goal or wish and then work for it. Nothing handed to you will ever be appreciated as much as reaching something you want by working for it and getting it yourself.

I spent many years of my life wishing. I wished I had a mom who had not abandoned us. I wished that my dad and the woman he called our mom had not fought all the time, causing a constant yo-yo of moving in and out of homes. I wished my dad were not so angry and narcissistic; that he wasn’t abusive. I wished for a comfortable life, a good man to call my husband, security, and good things. I wished, I wished, I wished. Zero.

My Reality

The reality was that my dad would never change. He would have had to work on himself to do that. The fact that our mom left us was never going to change, and wishing it would didn’t make it true. Living in comfort at my father’s hands would have had to come from his efforts, and he was content with getting by. I could have wished my first marriage had been to an amazing, intelligent man who loved me and was my equal, but he wasn’t, and that wasn’t his fault. He was content right where he was in life. Wishing he were what he wasn’t wouldn’t change him. I made the poor choice, and only I paid the consequences. I accepted them.

What Works

Then I did something that actually changed things. I learned. I learned from my bad decisions. I chose more wisely and worked diligently for what I wanted in life. I learned what was worth my efforts. What I thought was important often turned out to be less important than I expected when I had to put blood, sweat, and tears into attaining it. So I learned to let it go and found something I did want to put the work into. The outcome was far greater than I anticipated.

I appreciated the things I fought for and worked hard for. I learned to accept that some things are not meant to be. And it’s not that they are not meant to be in general, no. I meant that maybe those things were not meant to be for me. From that came a far deeper realization and outcome. Contentment.

Contentment came from reaching the goals I didn’t give up on. It came from the understanding that if it was not meant for me, something else was- something better for me. Being content gave me peace. Too many don’t have peace.

Far too many people live without peace within themselves. They think they’re being kept from what they want or need. They sit, wishing everything would come to them at the end of a wish. People who rely on wishful thinking begrudge others who seem to get what they want and never appreciate the work those people put in to get what they have or where they are in life. I can say with certainty that no success comes from wishing.

Yes, luck plays a role in life. It’s an intangible, unpredictable factor. What is tangible is working, striving, and staying consistently focused on your goals.

Paying It Forward

My husband and I taught our son that methodology. We never lied to him. We never asked him to wish for anything. We taught him that if he wanted something, he would have to work for it, work toward it. We never told him that a fat man in a suit was going to grant his wish. No candle-blowing was going to magically manifest what he wanted that year, just because it fluttered in his head for 10 minutes as a must-have. That honesty had an outcome. He learned very early on.

Honesty created a desire. That desire, for whatever thing or reward he hoped to achieve, sparked an inventive mind and a driving force to reach his target or goal. He learned to strive and work for what he wanted.

We provided for his needs and many of his wants. He asked for what he wanted, and if we saw it wasn’t good for him, we explained why, always with the caveat that when he was old enough, he could decide to go after it.

At sixteen, he began to show he understood what we were teaching him. He asked us to drive him around, and he picked up mowers people were discarding. After he asked for some garage space and permission to use his father’s tools, he learned to fix them, one motor at a time. We helped him buy the parts he needed to see it through, and he finished the job.

Since he was underage, he asked me to list the mowers for sale, and I did. We taught him to set aside money for parts for his next rebuild. He could spend or save the rest for himself, but he had to set aside a portion to give to others. This had additional results.

He took care of what he bought. He knew what it took to earn the money for whatever he wanted. He learned to save for the bigger things he wanted. At 21, he is on his own, while others his age are still floundering. He has a very practical head on his shoulders.

Wishing Is Not My Thing

I don’t begrudge people their wishes. Everyone can believe or not believe as they wish. But I think the world has enough misguided dreamers who think they can wish for a better president, a better economy, a better house, a better job, or a better life. Those wishes blow away in the wind and never take flight.

If you want it, work for it. I wish people would realize that. Let’s see if it comes true.

(Published by Pen With Paper on Medium, 2026)

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